That’s me! I had to share this with you quickly, before I thought about it too much.
Because it’s embarrassing
Because it reveals that side of me I want hidden
But most of all…..it’s hilarious and everyone can relate.
Today I put the almost final touches on 10 canvases I will have curated for an up-coming group exhibition. These 9 I wanted to be sprayed with a workable fixative because you never know when you want to put more final final final touches on them…..am I right?
So I took the lot downstairs where we park all the bikes. It’s open but sheltered from weather. Lined the beauties up, got a cramp from spraying them all in one go, and most definitely put another hole in the ozone layer.
Quite happy and for once satisfied with my achievements when for some reason looked at the can.
Oooops, not workable fixative at all. I’d sprayed the lot with Permanent Matt Spray.
That’s it. No more fiddling. No more blending.
But after I had a monstrous laugh at myself, I realised that it was probably the best thing that could’ve ever happened. I let go of my FEAR.
FEAR stops me from going forward with my Art. The “What if I get really successful with this?” question, haunts me. But I reckon my “why” is different from yours.
Why don’t I want to be really successful at this? GUILT. If I make a real go of this, it would mean I wouldn’t be giving EVERYTHING I have on Rainer’s treatment. And while that is certainly true, I really haven’t seen him decline in any way while I’ve been working on these 10 canvases.
So where’s the FEAR? Clearly in my sleep-deprived, guilt-ridden, gargoyle-infested Imagination, because it’s now apparent that FEAR isn’t real.
Shocking, I know. But it took a moment of absent-mindedness (and before you think it, there’s no time to delve into my sub-conscious today) to put the end to a project and ultimately, my FEAR of succeeding, of trying, of putting myself out there for criticism.
I may not get the group exhibition gig, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I have so many things lined up for the rest of the year, that this is just one project ticked off the Creative To Do List.
So my advice for you today is to FINISH SOMETHING that you’ve been holding back. Put the To Do list on notice — things will be crossed off.
Be brave today. xx Giovanna