!! paralysed !!

That’s how I feel right now

unable to think straight
order things in my life
be the mother/wife/friend I want to be

I feel this great surge of helplessness and I feel mute and paralysed.

What an awful feeling….

I have no idea where to begin –

who can help me (not in a “let’s have a chat…” way – done heaps of that already)
who can help Rainer (there’s the rub!!)
and who can help me to help Rainer.

Do I stay on course?
Alter the current course?
Or jump ship altogether?

I’ve dug myself this great big, dirty SHITHOLE and I don’t know what the answer is to stop it from stinking to high Heaven.

I have lost faith in a lot of people (no need to go into details here) who I trusted to help me answer these questions in the past……

and now I feel lost……..

BUT knowing who I am

things will become clearer (which may involve me swallowing my pride a little – really hate that…admitting I “may” have been incorrect or been given information that may not be quite truthful – grrrrrr)

the shithole will compost nicely and fertilise the seed of doubt in my head

and a beautiful garden full of possibilities will emerge….


4 thoughts on “!! paralysed !!

  1. Sheree says:

    Hi Gigi,Not sure what’s happening, but I really do wish you all the best. You sound very sad, and I hope someone can help you.Take careSheree

  2. Melanie says:

    I really wished I could Gigi but I really have no idea how to help you to help Rainer.Please let me know if there is anything I can do.P.S. Thanks for the RAK. I love it all.

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